Congregation Tikvoh Chadoshoh    
"Small enough to know you're here - Strong enough to make a difference"

In the current issue of CONTACT: The Journal of the Steinhardt Foundation for Jewish Life, Jacob Schreiber writes about an innovation that he and his family have developed with a circle of friends for their son’s bar mitzvah. They convened a group of adult friends to serve as a Council of Elders who would surround him with a distinctive sense of the unique Jewish community in which he is growing up, and provide support in all sorts of interesting and unexpected ways. The “Elders” they tapped came from very diverse Jewish backgrounds and perspectives, some religious and some not, but all are adults possessing something of value that they wanted to share with a young person. The tasks of these Elders, as defined by the Schreibers, are:

 1. Spend quality time with our child at least twice before his Bar Mitzvah and build a personal relationship;

 2. Listen to our child and encourage him to identify and express his dreams, desires, opinions and fears;

 3. Share with him that which is of personal importance, including key values;

 4. Give specific guidance on any subject or skill -- serious or fun -- ranging from theater to cooking, music, science, sports, religion, literature, or political activism;

 5. Be available for a few Council of Elders gatherings at which we would brainstorm ideas and review what we collectively believe would be an appropriate challenge or task for our child to face as a rite of passage;

 6. Attend an Elders Assembly with our child to hear what he has learned, and then to ceremonially “pass him” over the threshold from childhood to adolescence and give him our blessings for his journey.

 I very much like the general idea, although I would modify the last two steps, depending on the wishes of the family (and let’s not forget the wishes of the bar- or bat-mitzvah student!) For example, I would modify step #5 to invite the child’s Mentors to gather together with the young person and help him or her identify a worthy mitzvah project to undertake. We do this now, as a collaborative effort between me, the child, and the parents. It would be nice to have other peoples’ input, as well as their contacts in the Jewish and general community for possible community service projects.

I would modify step #6 to simply invite the Elders to attend the bar- or bat-mitzvah, and perhaps make a special presentation that day at the meal following services.

And I would change the name Elders to Mentors. Who needs to feel old???

 ‘Did it work?’ is always a good question to ask about innovative programming. This family’s process is not yet completed, but Jacob reports that “[My son] is getting first-hand accounts of Jewish histories, customs, values and practices that are immediately relevant because they originate from people who matter to him. He is laying the foundations for personal and professional mentorships with quality Jewish professionals in a variety of fields. And ... he is being exposed to Jewish pluralism.”

            Mr. Schreiber also reports on the inspiring effect their role is having on the Elders. “Each has expressed being touched by having been asked to play a continuing role in our son’s life; each feels empowered by serving as valued purveyors of Jewish values; and each has enjoyed meeting and bonding with other special people via the creation of something meaningful, novel and necessary.”

            When I read this magazine article I immediately flashed on moments in the past two months when some of our older members have inspired and been inspired by our students. Lou Brown stepped in to teach the 3^rd grade, since Ruth Weiss remains ill (we wish her a speedy and full recovery!) And the Kahns and Miriam Fleishman taught our 6^th graders about their personal experiences of the Holocaust in November, in preparation for our Kristallnacht observance. Every one of these adults has offered to come back to visit our students any time. These individuals have so much more to share about a wide diversity of topics. They -- and many others in our congregation -- possess invaluable life experience, wonderful skills and insights, and they could be very special mentors and friends to our young people.

How hard would it be to start a mentoring program here? I am happy to set this up, and get it well underway before I leave the community. Are you interested in being a mentor, or being a coordinator of such a program? Would you like your child to benefit from such a program? If so, just fill in the sign-up form and mail it in!